What ails the cheetahs in Kuno?

DIJ: Excuse me…I only weigh about 50 kg, but I get your point. I had a Labrador who refused to wear a collar and tried to eat it. So you think the collar, no matter how soft and comfy, caused irritation, especially in the heat and humidity, which made you scratch, leading to open wounds and maggot- infestation, and then to septicaemia?
Cheetah: Lacerations attract flies, flies lay eggs which develop into maggots and the rest, as they say, is history.

[An uninvited guest suddenly shows up and butts in. Being fair and neutral, DIJ gives it a chance to have its say.]

Maggot: Hey, not so fast dudes, don’t blame us. Of course we thrive on wounds – but we like to go for dead tissue, not living tissue. Did you know that during the two World Wars, nurses in the battlefields found that wounded soldiers with maggot infestations recovered better because we did not let the soldiers’ injuries get gangrenous? Of course, there may have been other evil species of maggots that got into the cheetah’s wounds, but we know nothing about those.
DIJ: Thank you for that input. Yes, and we all know that flies vomit all over their food before slurping it up, possibly leaving germs behind… Now, the authorities are claiming that the deaths were due to natural causes. Do
you cheetahs agree?
Cheetah: Every death has a natural cause! The heart stops, the brain stops functioning, the blood gets poisoned, traumatic injuries cause shock and death…
DIJ: So overall how has the transition been?
Cheetah: Traumatic. First, we’re taken away from our lovely open homes with wide horizons and food on the hoof, flown thousands of kilometres away, caged, tranquilised, let into enclosures in a place whose climate
and environment we are unfamiliar with. Then we’re ‘set free’ and then caught again and set free again. At this rate, we’ll have to report for weekly medical tests. How would you like to have a colonoscopy once a
week?

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DIJ: India used to have Asian cheetahs. You are African cheetahs. Maybe you are more prone to infections in India. After all, even the goras who come here get the runs when they first arrive…
Cheetah: Are you suggesting that we are in any way inferior to Asian cheetahs? If so, please remember we’re still around: your precious Asian cheetahs are down to 12, in Iranian zoos. So sit on that! But maybe providing us with bottled mineral water from the Himalayan springs would be a good idea…
DIJ: Maybe you just need a longer time to adjust to the conditions here.
Cheetah: In the long run, we’ll all be dead. And here we are dying in the short run!
DIJ: Well, cheetahs are known to be the most delicate and effete of all the big cats.
Cheetah: We’re also the fastest and sleekest. Our speed thrills and kills! We believe in open chases, not sly ambushes and gang takedowns.
DIJ: Ah, but you do gang up in brotherhoods and sisterhoods to take down large prey. Coalitions, they’re called.
Cheetah: Nothing on the scale that those poseurs the lions do! Twenty lions pulling down a poor baby elephant or buffalo calf. What’s so heroic about that?
DIJ: You know, Kuno was originally slated for lion relocation. But now you’re here. Don’t you feel privileged? You’ve stolen their thunder.
Cheetah: Nonsense. You didn’t bring lions here because of the petty parochial egos of your leaders. And you talk a lot about ‘make in India’ and what do you do? Import us! And why have you disregarded the opinions of so many experts?
DIJ: In India, experts who agree with the government are always right. Those that do not are always wrong, even if they are right. Period.
Cheetah: Does that mean they’ll say that my poor dead colleagues are not really dead?
DIJ: They’re probably working on it. Anyway, happy birthday to the project, dead or alive.